I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
