I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
too bad you live with your parents still
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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