we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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