i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize