Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize