Porn is love you can see.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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