i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
