hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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