You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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