I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize