i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
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It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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