R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
