Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
