The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
