How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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