I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
