hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
