I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
