the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize