You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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