im six kinds of drunk right now
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My vagina just recognized that song.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
