is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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