She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
