We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
they're like a gay fantastic four
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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