kristin has been a bad kristin
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
