She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
operation harelip BJ is a go
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
