office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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