Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
