omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
