Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
