if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
