I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
its liver damage thursday
Randomize