I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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