What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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