i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
