I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
