I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
