I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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