My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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