I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
