I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
