you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize