You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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