apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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