I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
