Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
