dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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