Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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