Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
