I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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