It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My bed smells like the plague
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
