I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
