break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
