I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
