I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
what day is it and did you see me today?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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