I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
