everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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