you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
