If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
