I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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