I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
